Pride & Prejudice

I've been thinking about male model again lately. You assume you're over something and then all of a sudden you have too much time on your hands (or something happens as simple as the elevator stopping on thier floor) and you realize it's still stirring inside you. I find myself once again wondering what happened. The truth is, I guess it's better not to know. You don't want to hear that someone thinks your too short or scrawny or utterly boring. If you don't know the reason then you can't do anything about it, but if you do know then you spend all your time trying to fix it. And we should never waste time trying to fix ourselves to meet someone else's standards.

Although we live in the same building I have yet to bump into male model, (which makes me wonder if he's purposely taking the stairs) though I thought I saw him the other day. I had two kids packed into a double stroller and my hands full of clothing, snacks, keys, coffee cup. Basically I looked like a disheveled mother. Not the first post-he-stopped-calling impression I want to make. So I did the only adult thing to do in a situation like that- I dropped down and hid behind the stroller. I pretended to be looking for a sippy cup in the under-carriage. He wasn't there when I popped back up. Phew!

I now feel pressured to be beautifully made up everday in preparation for the inevitable accidental run in.

For some reason I've been tempted to contact him. I can hear the screams of "NO" coming in my direction right now, and my pride is one of the voices- but for some reason I still want to reach out to him. There's something in my gut that still believes he may have run for some reason, that maybe he's just insecure and needs reassurance. I don't want to justify his actions by giving him the benefit of the doubt, but I also like to base my conclusions on evidence, and the evidence he gave me does not match up with "total asshole." I know it's easy to think that about someone who is gorgeous and charming. But just as one shouldn't make allowances for someone just because they are attractive,  one also shouldn't make negative assumptions based on looks either, right? If this were a more average male would I be so quick to think he was a player or a user? Am I being prejudice because elevator boy was once a model and is still intimidatingly hot?

 My pride says "he's a jerk, stand your ground!" My gut says "He's just a guy, a possibly insecure one at that. Reach out one last time."  Pride or guts people, pride or guts???