Sleeping Diagonally

I am trying to appreciate the dating process, and to not jump into a relationship. There are very exciting things about dating, things I know my married and seriously committed friends miss and envy. Most of the time I enjoy, but it does get lonely and that's when its tough, especially at night. However, last night I realized there is at least one good thing about sleeping alone. Having the bed to yourself!!!! I tend to sleep on a diag. Yes ladies and gents...I sleep diagonally. Last night was one of those great sleep nights. One of those nights when sleeping feels so good you rather sleep than have sex! (Not that there was anyone next to me to have sex with anyway).

All night long I was in this deep yet aware sleep and would periodically half-wake just to stretch my body from fingertips to toe tips. Then I would sprawl out in any position I wanted and fall back into dream world. In the morning I woke so happy to have the bed all to myself and I relished in it a few moments with some last deep stretches before rising.

I envy but also laugh at those of you who are curled up in beds too small with other bodies, and babies and puppies and the likes.     

:)

Warranty

I haven't yet mentioned Best Buy. Mom had me tag along with her to Best Buy while she tried to get a copy of her washer warranty. Well the woman behind the help desk was polite but totally uninformed and called over some guy to look up our info. As he came toward us my first impression was Geek Squad. He was incredibly helpful and sweet to my Mom ,which is what first got my attention. Then as I asked him many washing machine techy q's I noticed that behind his dark framed glasses were a nice pair of dark eyes, to match his dark hair, and soon after noticed his plump lips. A good pair of lips totally does it for me. We talked for quite a while about compys and other nonsense before I found out he was also an actor, like myself. We talked far longer than is necessary when discussing washing machine warrantys and I thought about slipping him my number but wasn't sure how to work it in.

A couple weeks later while having dinner with one of my best guy pals the convo turned to dating. We discovered we both had crushes on customer service workers at nearby stores. We made a bet. He'd ask out his crush at Verizon, if I'd ask out Best Buy guy. Deal. Long story short, after much procrastinating in the cd section, and speaking to my guy pal over my shoulder so Best Buy wouldn't think guy pal was my boyfriend, I got up the nerve to approach him. I not so subtly asked him out. He said he was thinking the same thing and we exchanged numbers. 

We've had one date so far and I was more impressed with him than I thought I'd be. He looked much cooler in his regular clothes, he was social with my friends and even comfortable with the fact that my obvious ex was present.  Not to mention he knew everyone in the place. Seriously...between my invited friends, the showing up of my unexpected creepy not invited friends, his old high-school buddies, and his fellow Greekers (he's 100% hardcore Greek and proud) our first date was like a freakin reunion. Best part of the night was when he took me by the hand and asked me to "Come meet some Greeks!" It was very sweet. 

We eneded the night with a great hug, and the promise to do this again sometime, without the crowd! I have yet to see him again but blame it more on the fact that we live a state apart, as we are in constant contact. I look forward to seeing him again. I am aware however that at date number 1 things usually still feel good. Can I get a 1 year warranty with this?

Male Models

So, Elevator Boy...I was out walking the pooch and saw a tan toned piece of artwork shirtless, carrying groceries and headed in my direction. I watched him walk by and wondered curiously if he could possibly live in my building, a few blocks away. So I yanked the dog ignoring his many attempts to stop and pee and made him follow Ken Doll (my other nickname for him) down the street. Sure enough Ken Doll did enter my building (after setting down groceries and gracefully slipping his white tank over his sweaty chest...yes ladies...watch out for this one), and we were getting in the same elevator. 


Let me fill you in on something...I was wearing period pants, no makeup, and cheap flip flops. Of course I was, that's always how one looks when she bumps into a Ken Doll. So you can imagine my surprise when he shamelessly flirted with me, and gave me "the eyes" right as the elevator doors were closing. I immediately left my sister a voicemail telling her I had just met the man I was going to marry in an elevator, and admitting this statement was solely based on his looks. 


I live in a big building and stalked the lounge and gym for weeks hoping to bump into him with no success.  One day however, there we were again riding the same elevator. He immediately asked if he could escort me to my floor so we could converse, told me he had been trying to figure out how he could bump into me again, and asked me if I'd like to go out sometime before collecting my number. Was I stoked! I was basically stuck to the wall after he left due to his flesh melting green eyes. Let me tell you one more time what this kid looks like...6'5, tan, toned, freckled in the right places, chestnut wavy hair and green eyes that look light brown until you are up close (which eventually we were).


As stated in my last blog, he took 2 months to ask me out, but once he did we had the most romantic first date. He took me to a movie, bought me snacks, and walked with me along the river (the long way home) talking for hours in the glow of the city lights. He was sweet, shy and romantic. He asked me if I believed in destiny, and told me a story about our first meeting; which from his point of view was that he had seen me first, at the park walking my pooch, and thought I was the most beautiful woman and that unfortunately he'd probably never see me again. He was suggesting that us living in the same building and meeting up again in the elevator was somehow destiny. Once again I melted where I was standing. The next morning he texted to tell me what a great time he had and said he felt he could have talked to me all night.


There were a few dates to follow, dates where we talked more in detail about our lives, where he showed me his apartment, where he told me I make him nervous. He said that often, and it seemed to be true as he would sometimes stutter or have trouble expressing himself and get very embarrassed. I couldn't believe that this gorgeous man was intimidated by lil old me.  He's so gorgeous that I immediately assumed he must be a male model, but found out that he had a real grown up well paying job with Georgio Armani. Then found out that he had in fact been a professional model for about 5 years before he decided to move on. I knew it. Did this scare the shit out of me? Yes it did. There are stereotypes about models; they are dumb, they are shallow, they sleep around. He didn't seem to be any of these things...maybe a bit narcissistic but overall he seemed the anti-stereotype. He told me he wasn't dating around and was a bit of a home-body. Did I think he was just telling me what I wanted to hear? Of course! So I called him without warning on a Friday night, when anyone as sexy as he could surely be out and about with anyone they wanted. What was he doing? He was at home in PJs, glasses, unshaven and watching his fave TV shows. I was starting to believe him and to like him. He agreed to me coming over to watch a movie. That night he told me that he was excited about what was happening between us. He smiled a lot, cuddled me a bunch, and kissed me for the first time (it took 3 dates!)


Then he never called me again.


 Ladies and Gents, please explain this one to me because I have no idea what the Hell happened here. 


Were there any flags? A few. It did take him 2 months to ask me on our first date, and after date 1 he always wanted me to come to his place and watch TV, which made me think he was trying to lay me except that he never made any moves on me. He always acted interested and affectionate but was always a perfect gentleman and never pushy. The only other flag...he always said the right thing, this scared me the most. After he stopped calling I felt like an ass for believing he could be into me, but
#1) I'm as much of a great catch as he is and
#2) there was much more positive evidence than there were flags.

Am I an idiot for believing all the nice things he said? Is he just really great at lying? Is it possible he really just wanted to sleep with me even though he never made the move? I can't figure it out. A lot of friends chuck this up to the fact that he was just too pretty. I completely disagree with this logic. Why should anyone be afraid to date someone beautiful? At the risk of sounding shallow I want someone with a great personality AND a great face, and I'm not going to stop until I get it. (Yes, I am aware I may be single forever )

I Always Go For the Nice Guy

After Bar Guy came Red Bull and Elevator Boy. I met them about the same time, both asked for my number and both contacted but did not actually ask me out for almost 2 months. Then they asked me out the same day of the same weekend. No joke. For now lets focus on Red Bull.

I met Red Bull (or the nice guy) on the deck of my building. We had both gone out there for some fresh air after the gym. I noticed him in the gym, thinking he was average but cute. It made me work out a little bit harder. So here we were on the deck at the same time, leaning a few feet away from eachother on the railing, both glowing with sweat in the summer evening air...conversation was inevitable.  We ended up talking for hours. He was sweet, had a good sense of humour and was easy to converse with. He's 28, has a good job working for Red Bull, and has travelled a lot. He's interesting and can handle a little friendly banter (which I am a fan of). Our first date was great. He took me to a Dave Matthew's concert on one of the islands, which was swell because at this point in our adult lives neither of us really cared to watch Dave so we spent the entire time talking, drinking and eating greasy foods. He was a gentleman, paid for everything, and was up for anything. We took the ferry back together at 2am and walked the city streets before going to an Irish pub for more drinks.

We continue to hang out. He seems genuine, nice and lets be honest he's accessible being that he lives in my building. Accessability isn't a driving factor alone, he's a cool guy, it's just a plus. It definitley lends itself on lonely nights. The problem with Red Bull is that I enjoy his company, I even look forward to it, but he doesn't make me nervous. He seems like a nice guy, I don't picture him dicking me over; and I don't take this for granted, trust me! I'm not the girl who always dates the assholes and ignores the nice guys - I know men get frustrated by that. In fact, I tend to mainly go for the nice guys. But I want someone who makes me nervous, who challenges me, in fact I want someone who scares the shit out of me, someone I love so much I'm afraid of losing them everyday. I know that sounds painful, but at least it's passionate. I need passion. I'm not sure I have that with Red Bull. Maybe with him I will put aside the passion and enjoy the pubs.

You Won't Meet Your Husband in a Bar

First up after Mr. Almost was Bar Guy. I was at a bar with girlfriends when I spotted Bar guy (who in reality has the SAME name as Mr. Almost....I should have taken that as a clue). I noticed him huddled in a group of buddies and was pretty sure he had taken note of me as well. After quite a few drinks I happened to look up and we locked eyes, flashed each other shy yet broad smiles and then he vanished down some steps with the buds. I finally made his acquaintance a while later when I hopped off  a bar stool to escape "the 40 yr old virgin" who was pestering me, and bumped into Bar Guy to my pleasant surprise. We said hello before I immediately took his hand and asked him to save me from pervo. I led him down the steps, our separate circles of friends in tow, and we found a seat to have a few drinks and some convo together. Hours later, after I had been out with the girls at other bars I bumped into him again on the street and was just incoherent enough to feel like we were old friends!

He called me 3 days later and we started hanging out. I now realize that I read into everything and take men too seriously. It started with Bar Guy. I read into the fact that we locked eyes at the bar, that I bumped into him when jumping off the bar stool and again later in the street. I read into the fact that our first date was great; we talked, we drank, we kissed, we had a lot in common and he was so much more down to earth than I thought he'd be. We bonded over our sick love of 7/11 and our blue collar hard working families. I think I immediately convinced myself that this all meant something and that this would go somewhere. In reality, we hung out about 6 times and then he never called me again. 

I'd like to call him an asshole. I'd like to say he led me on, that he's a total douche bag. This is what my girlfriends would say and I would love them for it. However, I have to take some responsibility here. I looked into the eye contact and the cute text messages he sent after each date, but ignored things too.I I ignored the fact that he was only 21, I ignored the fact that he was beautiful (blonde curls, blue eyes and boyish yet sexy build), and that he was leaving for school in Europe in a few weeks. I also convinced myself that the fact he always took me out late and always somewhere that alcohol was involved wasn't necessarily devious. I forgot all about the fact that we met in a bar while I was drunk and that it might not be a great sign he's picking up drunk chicks (I think I made an exception because in this case I'm the chick and I know I'm an awesome girl ;)   ) All of these elements combined should have screamed "young and wants to have fun".  Truth is, I was very aware of these things but convinced myself he would fall for the beauty in my soul and we'd be like the couple from the movie "Going the Distance" when he went back to school. (I even watched the movie quite a few times during this time period.)

The thing I struggle with is this...there were flags, yes, but aren't there always? When two people first meet there are bound to be some flags. In my mind, its after people get to know each other and realize they like each other that they drop the flags and decide to take each other more seriously. So, how can one walk away in the beginning, even if they see the flags waving, if they have hope the flags may later fall?

Is it wrong to hope they might fall for me?

Love is Not Enough

Maybe I should back up and tell you a bit about the dating train I've been riding. First off, I broke up with my serious boyfriend 8 months ago. Many of you know who he is but for the sake of anonymity I am going to leave names out of this blog and instead refer to these men using the same nicknames I give them on the phone to my girlfriends. So Mr Almost and I split, which was one of the hardest things I have had to do. I knew for a few reasons we were just not meant to be, even though we were so close to having "it". We lived together, we have a pet together, we had furniture and some finances together. Deciding to turn our entire world upside down, packing my boxes and leaving the nest we worked so hard to create all equaled heartbreak for both of us. BOTH of us, even though it was my decision, it sucked.

I think many times one assumes that if love is wrong than it is obviously wrong; not so in this case. Mr Almost and I were crazy about each other. It felt different with him. When I first called my Mom, I said those infamous words, "Mom, I've met someone!" And she exclaimed with the cliche "I can tell there's something different about this one!" And we both meant it. Things with Mr Almost were different than some of my past relationships. I was 100% comfortable with him. I wasn't very jealous. I was gross, obnoxious, disgusting even!! He knew about all my past lovers, about my bodily functions, and about my insecurities, paranoias and darkest secrets. The element which most convinced me that something was indeed different this time around was that I felt so "sure." I never feel sure about anything. I am anxious and indecisive, and over analyze things until I fall asleep from exhaustion. When my Dad died I knew I wanted to talk to Mr Almost and only Mr Almost, and I did, for hours every night. When he asked me to move in with him I said yes without hesitation, in fact I piggy backed around on him parading through the living room with excitement.
I looked at his parents as the Grandparents to my babies, at his childhood home as my second home, and at him as the man I would marry...when I was ready. So how could something I finally felt so sure about be so wrong? I'm still asking myself that question. The only thing I now know, is that it was wrong.  In retrospect I can see subtle ways in which we were not perfect for each other. I also see that we have changed throughout our years together and that we have different needs now. There is one thing that was always there though...one thing that was a red flag from the beginning. I said it earlier in this blog and many times while I was with him, in fact he said it as well..."When I'm ready." I didn't want to get married. I said things like "someday maybe" or "I don't want to get married. Marriage ends in divorce." Now I know that this resistance was due to doubts, doubts because I knew we weren't right for each other even though we loved each other. I never believed in the saying "sometimes love isn't enough" because I felt if it were truly love than it would be enough. Now I believe it. Mr Almost and I loved each other, truly and completely and we worked hard for each other...it wasn't enough.  We were so close but missing something. When I love someone again like I loved Mr Almost, but also have the missing piece, I don't imagine I will be saying I don't believe in marriage. I bet I will be saying "I do."

Only in NYC

I've been frustrated lately with the ups and downs of dating. I keep riding high on the wings of a new potential, and then when it crashes and burns, I'm dead on the ground. I usually stir around in the dirt for a while, and trust me I was just there, but this time I'm getting up much quicker. Seeing things from a new perspective.

My plane may crash often but at least I'm flying! I'm 26, I'm single, and I'm casually dating. It may not always be love but by God it's fun! I have spent hours drinking 711 Slurpees and talking about pet rabbits. I have eaten a jumbo cheese steak and curly fries far back in a field with Dave Mathews playing live up ahead, surrounded by surreal lighting and hippies barefoot dancing in the grass. Not to mention my date had the hook up and we got to climb up on stage and watch Dave from the wings! I have ridden the ferry at 2am just to walk the streets and drink at Irish pubs. I have taken the most romantic long walk along the river with the city night lights for a view. At 3am I have sat on a bench kissing while people on the neighboring bench smoked pot and serenaded us with beautiful violin songs. Only in NYC would this happen! And only when you keep your heart open.

Text Dating

I have been riding the dating train for some months now, and have already found it to be an exciting yet bumpy ride. Adult dating is a process. Full of unwritten rules, game playing, and much higher stakes than adolescent dating. I'm not sure how much I love the game. I've been having trouble wrapping my brain around the rules and regulations. Penalty here, penalty there, I'm still playing but I have been benched quite a few times and to be honest needed the break. 
In any case, I decided to blog about my experiences in adult dating. I recognize the lack of privacy I am inviting into my life but figure what do I have to lose. What's the point in secrets? We all have to push through the shit of love at some point, I'm just inviting you to share in the shit with me, at least I won't be as lonely as one can often find themselves when they are indeed in the shit. So if invading my privacy sounds intriguing to you by all means engage, if not exit now. 

First shit for thought - TEXT DATING. What is this? The last few men who have asked me out, have done so via text. I think this is pathetic. Please do not ask me out like this. I would like the man I end up with to have the cojones to pick up a phone. Has facebook/myspace (who uses that anymore really?)/twitter made us lazy daters? Electronic communication lets us off the hook in terms of our comfort zones. Its much easier to sound nonchalant in a text and for those of us who are shy its an easy out. I don't care. That's no excuse. Where's the romance? I want to hear a voice, I want to see a face. You can't read someones emotions or intentions in a text, which is why it is so safe, so destructive, and so inappropriate for dating. I have asked out two men recently; one I called, the other I walked right up to. If I can do it, you can do it. Reattach those cojones and dial the phone!