2012; A New Year...A New Date

I don't know where to begin...wow we have some catching up to do. First of all it's 2012!! Happy New Year everyone! Not only is it a new year on the calendar but it is almost one year since my break up. Single for a year...what a ride this has been. The first few months were spent living with and separating myself physically and mentally from my ex (referred to in this blog as Mr. Almost). The next few, spent adjusting to a new life in a new apartment and having crazy rebound experiences with new men. At first I found myself getting attached to every guy I was dating. When you've lived with someone for two years you get used to being around a man who is committed, a man who is always around, and a man who takes your relationship seriously (at least I hope so, you're living together.) So when I was thrown into the pool of young, attractive, bachelors I still naively expected commitment, loyalty, seriousness. OOPS!!!! I was devastated each time I realized these boys were just in it for fun.
            Eventually I moved into a second phase where I realized The reason I get attached is because I am afraid of losing a good man. Two problems here...
1- just because they don't always stick doesn't mean I "lost" them and
2- not all of them are good men.
            I look at a man's good qualities and ignore the bad, making them perfect in my mind. Who wants to discard a perfect man? There are only so many!!! I realized I had to start recognizing their flaws. Not only to remind myself that maybe it's their flaws not mine that ruin us in the end, but also to see them clearly so that, to put in plainly, I don't waste time with some loser. This to me was a very refreshing outlook on dating and I was surprised how quickly, with a little bit of practice, I was able to see them as human and imperfect. I saw some that were so imperfect...for me at least...that I let them go and moved on.  What a relief!
           The third phase and current phase is the fun phase. I realized I could use this noncommittal-male attitude to my advantage. I started going on fun dates, having yummy dinners, good conversations and great kissing without worrying where it was leading (and usually without paying!)  I became less obsessed with what the next step would be and more in the moment. Some of these guys fizzled out naturally, and for once, instead of wanting to hold on to each one (JUST IN CASE!) I was OK with it. It took me sooo long to be OK with it.