The Forbidden Fruit

There is one person I have yet to mention, and it's solely because I don't know where to start. I might as well jump right in; I think I'm in love with this person. We met doing a play together in college. The script included a passionate scene between he and I and I recall telling my best friend "Good thing I'm not attracted to him." I said "Good thing" because I was with Mr.Almost (refer to previous blog Love is Not Enough) at the time.

Mr.Almost was worried about how this might effect our relationship and I wholeheartedly swore it wouldn't be a problem, A) because I consider myself a professional and B) the guy wasn't my type- red haired and cocky. Well, I'm either not as professional as I thought or there was an irresistible connection between he and I that I couldn't fight. Lets call him Adam.This is the one time I will use an actual name and it's because it isn't his, but I have my reasons. Throughout the months working on the play I developed intense feelings for Adam. It started as physical attraction (though not my type he has great sex appeal), and grew into friendship. Adam and I were spending more and more time together and our conversations were becoming more personal. We were flirting our way through rehearsals and at his parties (he was a constant party host at the college) I felt like he couldn't breath without me feeling it on my neck - even if he was across the room. I was finding more and more excuses to be around him and sometimes he would show up at the computer lounge to bring me a snack or meet me somewhere on campus just to say hi. It got to the point where I was the last to leave his place, staying up late with him to cry out secrets or reading his poetry. I never wanted to go - each time I forced myself out the door - because of my loyalty to Mr. Almost.

His friends started telling me how much he liked me- that he was serious about me- but I couldn't believe them. I was afraid to. What would I do about my relationship if this kid liked me as much as I secretly liked him? I couldn't fathom.Then it finally broke- the night before graduation we partied together until everyone else was gone. We sat together on his stoop at 5am and he confessed that it was all true...that he liked me for real. I couldn't deny his feelings for me this time. Though somehow I did. That night I pushed him away- telling him I had to stay true to Mr. Almost, and for days following grad. he tried to come visit me in my hometown and flirt with me through late night texts. I finally called and put a stop to it. I was moving in with Mr. Almost, and the guilt was eating me alive.

I lived with Mr. Almost for the next two years and barely had any contact with Adam... though I never could forget him.